


Not In Front of the Dead Person!

by fabulouslyequivocating



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: But they were bad people, Crack, I didn't intend this, I have no idea, M/M, That's how this works right?, so it's okay, there are dead people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 17:22:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6916456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabulouslyequivocating/pseuds/fabulouslyequivocating
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is a cat.<br/>Cats leave dead things.<br/>Steve absolutely did not squeak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not In Front of the Dead Person!

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't mean for this to happen! Seriously, I wrote this one way and then rewrote the ending and it just happened; I didn't even mean for Stucky to happen, but I was writing and it just seemed to fit...There is swearing and dead people and innuendo (maybe not exactly innuendo) and HYDRA is evil (and dead, sort of)...
> 
> (P.S I don't own Marvel!)

Steve would like to go on the record as stating that finding a dead body on one’s doorstep after returning from a 3 AM post-nightmare run would be a startling and horrifying experience for anyone and thus the undignified squeak which he emitted was perfectly justified. Cat owners might argue that finding a dead body on ones doorstep was a normal experience. Steve would then like to offer the counter argument that while a dead bird or rabbit is one thing, a dead human is quite another.  
After the discovery and squeak, Steve decided that his best course of action would be to drag the body inside so that he wouldn't freak out the neighbours, then call Sam. Sam, after grumpily asking "whoever it is, do you own a damn clock?", told him to run facial recognition. Steve did so and relaxed slightly when he learned that the body belonged to one Gideon Stenison, HYDRA agent. This however dragged up a whole slew of new questions, chief among them who the hell would leave a dead HYDRA agent on Steve Rogers’, aka Captain America's doorstep. Sam, when he arrived, told Steve to call Natasha, which he did, and was promptly told (rather contradictorily) to go to hell and to tell her what he needed. After explaining the situation she told him that she would take care of it and someone would be there shortly. “Someone” arrived within 10 minutes and the body was removed, to Steve’s relief (seriously, neighbours). Since it was now too early to go back to sleep, Sam stayed with him and they discussed possible reasons for someone to drop a dead HYDRA agent at his door; this discussions proved to be pointless as neither could come up with a viable conclusion. Around 10 Tony called and said he wanted to test a new suit and would they please come over, to which they agreed and Steve, although not dismissing the occurrence (it was a dead body after all), decided to ignore it for the time being.  
The time being turned out to be a week. Precisely one week later, Steve woke up to a noise outside his door and opened it to find another dead HYDRA agent on the (recently replaced, now red) "Welcome" mat. A chase after the deliverer proved futile, so he again called Natasha. She told him that he had an infestation problem, but 10 minutes later, the same “someone” arrived to dispose of the body. Steve decided to take action.  
For three nights he sat just inside his door, waiting, his shield by his side. On the fourth night, something finally happened; around 1:30 AM, Steve heard footsteps approaching his door. He waited until there was the thud of something dropping on the (new) mat, then he flung the door open.  
“Bucky?” he gasped.  
The man outside froze, then slowly turned to face him, looking him in the eye “Steve.” he said.  
“What the actual fuck Bucky?!” asked Steve, gesturing to the body.  
“Umm…meow?” it was came out as a question.  
Steve grinned. “You're such an idiot.” he said, reaching over the body and pulling Bucky into a hug. “As much as I appreciate the thought, maybe we could avoid the dead people next time? I’ve had to get three, fucking THREE new doormats in less then three weeks.” Steve said as he pulled away.  
Bucky smirked “Well what else was I supposed to do with them? Dump them in the river? Besides, I thought you liked the idea of finding gifts on your doorstep, you said it was romantic!”  
Steve tipped his face up and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Buck, I meant things like roses and shit, not dead people! I mean, at least they were bad people, but seriously, the only thing even remotely connected to roses was the colour. BLOOD IS NOT FUCKING ROMANTIC BUCKY!”  
Bucky grinned. “Really? I had no idea, I thought it was what all the kids were into now; I mean look at all the vampire romances going around…”  
Steve opened his mouth to protest, then paused. “Actually, you have a point…” he said, then looked at Bucky “Wait, how do you know about angsty teenage vampire literature?”  
“Uhhh…” said Bucky, eloquently “Would you believe me if I said it was for a mission?”  
“No I absolutely would not you fucking liar; seriously, angsty teenage vampire literature, not on HYDRA’s assigned summer reading list.”  
“You’d be surprised.” Bucky smirked.  
Steve ran a hand over his face. “Fuck me.” he said in exasperation.  
“Gladly.” Bucky leered.  
“BUCKY!” Steve shrieked.  
“Yes exactly.” Bucky leered more.  
“Dammit Bucky, not in front of the dead person!”

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry...


End file.
